I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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