So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
