You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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