that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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