He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
