I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
