get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
