were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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