that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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