Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize