i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
