just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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