either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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