Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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