And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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