this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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