You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
