Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
