Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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