just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
