i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
