Your face is a jimmy john
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
