I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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