Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
