I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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