My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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