Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
