Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think i got beer on your cat.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
