I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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