while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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