***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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