Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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