so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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