Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
