Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
