so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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