Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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