Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
