I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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