my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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