im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Houston, we have a blender
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
