There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
