Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize