Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
