Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dear god my vagina.
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