in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So squirting runs in the family.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
