I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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