i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
