You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
