Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
