He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
