You're so nebulous sometimes
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
