PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
