When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
