I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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