My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
