I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
