OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
