I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
