you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
