Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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