WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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