You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
