Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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