meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
