Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
