it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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