Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize