Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
