distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
