Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
