Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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