just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
