So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize